Learning how to deal with difficult people

Dr A.R Bernard

Today I was reading Dr AR Bernard's Facebook. Interestingly there's 3 notes that I haven't read from him and it's very interesting. It talks about "Learning how to deal with difficult people." I believe that all of us have encountered difficult people in our lives. Well I have compiled his notes into my blog and I want to share it with you. =)

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Bad temper is contagious - don't get infected.

Proverbs 22:25 MSG

Learning the art of happiness means learning how to deal with difficult people.  After all, even the most saintly among us can be difficult to deal with at times.  So it's inevitable that, from time to time, you'll encounter folks who behave inappropriately in the same way, or worse.

If you have occasion to deal with difficult people, remember the following tips:

1.  Make Sure That You're Not the One Being Difficult: Perhaps the problems that concern you have their origin, at least partially, within your own heart.  If so, fix yourself first (Philippians 2:3).

2. Don't Lecture: Lectures inevitably devolve into nagging; nagging creates animosity, not lasting change.  Since nagging usually creates more problems than it solves, save your breath (Proverbs 15:1)

3. Don't Become Caught Up in the Other Person's Emotional Outbursts: If someone is ranting, raving, or worse, you have the right to get up and leave.  Remember: Emotions are highly contagious, so if the other person is angry, you will soon become angry, too.  Instead of adding your own emotional energy to the outburst, your should make the conscious effort to remain calm-and part of remaining calm may be leaving the scene of the argument (Proverbs 22:24-25).

4. Stand Up for Yourself: If you're being mistreated, either physically, emotionally, or professionally, it's time to start taking care of yourself.  But remember that standing up for yourself doesn't require an angry outburst on your part.  You can (and probably should) stand up for yourself in a calm, mature, resolute manner.  And you should do so sooner rather than later (Psalm 27:1).

5. Be Quick to Forgive: If you can't find it in your heart to forgive those who have hurt you, you're hurting yourself more than you're hurting anyone else.

A Simple Step

Insist upon logical consequences to irresponsible behavior.  When you protect other people from the consequences of their misbehavior, you're doing those folks a profound disservice.  Most people don't learn new behaviors until the old behaviors stop working, so don't be an enabler (Hebrews 12:5-6).

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WOW!!! I'm truly inspired by his notes and it's very relevant in one's life. I was just talking to my dad earlier and it was telling me his problems and that his children don't really care about him. Well it's not true. We do care, it's just some communication problem and a generation gap. We don't see things on the same angle. I love my dad and respect him for who he is. He has been dealing with some difficult people and I believe that this note came just in time. I hope by sharing these tips to you, your life will be improved too. If you want to know more about Dr AR Bernard, you can wiki him or you can go on his website. 

Life Book

Two days ago I woke up in the morning and the first thought that I had, I've posted it on FB. I've posted it and just ONE DAY only, I had 12 Likes, which never happened to me before. I believe that it's quite a good thing also. So I just want to share with you what I've posted on FB that day. 

"You cannot tear out the pages of your past, you can only turn the pages over and write a new one. Our past may be a sad one but it reminds us how naive we were and how mature we are now. It also reminds us how good it was, better than what it is now. The new pages to write are the future of hope. Just hold on the pen and keep writing."

I had this thought because I was just reminded about my past. I believe that a lot of us had some bad past which we wouldn't want to turn back. A lot of us would want to erase it. Well this is what I tried to do when I first stepped on the land of Malaysia. Before I left Mauritius 4 years ago, I told myself that it was time to live a new life. By telling myself this, I thought that I would have freedom and would eventually forget about my past. As the time goes by, I realized that I can still remember of my past. It doesn't torment me, but it is just remembered. From that time, I came to my senses that our past can't be erased. 

Our life is like a book. Ever since we were born, we tried to write our life, but it's quite vague. Because as a small kid, we don't even know how to write yet. But as we grow up, we learn how to write. We eventually write down everything in our mind. Therefore here comes the memory. Our memory is the organism that has the ability to store, retain and recall information such as events, pictures, symbols, etc. Some memories are thoughts mixed with feelings, which make us to remember them. In my past, I had a feeling that people around me who didn't appreciate me much for who I am. 

Before I came to Malaysia, I had my farewell done at my house and 60 people were invited that day, which consisted of relatives and friends. I served drinks and some snacks to my guests. It's quite sad to say that some of my friends didn't even greet my parents when they came to my house, which made my mom upset. Most of the time, my friends were just mingling around and the attention was not on me, when I was sitting with them. They were just among themselves, talking among themselves and I didn't even exist. It's quite sad to say that they enjoyed free food from my mom who cooked for the whole day and she was still cooking while the guests came. Well moms are really amazing! They can do everything to make us happy! Well she didn't tell me that she was upset till the end of the farewell party and that we had to clean up. It's crazy how it is after it has ended. We had to do a lot of cleaning up, especially those spilled drinks. I was quite upset also with some if my friends because they didn't even have a respect for my parents. They didn't even greet them nor say thank you for the food. Imagine that your friends go to your house for your party and never greet your parents and never say thank you, wouldn't you think that it's rude??? From that time I knew who were my real friends.

After I left Mauritius for Malaysia, I enjoyed my life here and I would always keep in touch with my friends back home. I would always email and tell them how am I doing. For your info, I wrote personal emails, meaning I wrote to them individually. It's quite sad to say that some replied me a month after where I have already shared my feelings and experience here in Malaysia. So to reply them was a bit outdated because of the fast pace life here. With time, I started to get busier. That's where I started blogging. I blogged about everything that is happening in my life in KL. I've called it The Adventures of Robin in M'sia (My previous blog). Every week I would blog, I would email them at the same time. But I've realized that nobody replied me, and nobody even read my blog posts. I was writing in vain. It's kind of frustrating at times when you email your friends about yourself and you get no reply at all, especially to those closer friends. 

You may wonder why am I blogging about life is a book, then I talk about the past and now I'm talking about friends. Well let me tell you that all these things are related. Well the more friends you have, the more you feel loved and have a sense of insurance. Having very little friends and just being a loner isn't very good for health. Friends make you laugh, friends share good moment and support you in your tough and sad moment. A loner lives life on his/her own without having people around him. Maybe he/she doesn't want to be disturbed. Having lots of friends is not having lots of friends on Facebook! Friends in real life are there for you! It's not those people who just say Hi and Bye to you. Friends are those who are there in good times and bad times, always by your side to always put a smile on our face. Friends are the most essential thing in one's life apart from parents! They always there to listen and support. Friends are the M&Ms of our life. They make your life colorful when it is just black and white. 

Today I must say that I live a good life. Despite of the past hurts, the wrong relationships, the failures of the past, well all that we can do is to move on with life. That's what I did. I'm living a very good life now, having lots of good friends around, having a quite average university and the most happening church in Malaysia. I have no regrets of my past. Past has passed. The present is where we want to live for our future. Life might be tough at time. It doesn't bring out good things all the time but life shapes us to be a better person. We may have a very bad and hurtful past, but now life goes on. Life goes according to what we are going to write in our Life Book.

Keep writing! :)

the mrbrown show: your mother's tongue

I like this one the most!!! =)

the mrbrown show: your mother's tongue

the mrbrown show: single in singapore

I've been listening to podcast a lot these days and I really love this Singapore Podcast called "The MrBrown Show". You can check it out, this is their latest podcast. Enjoy.

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